For some bizzare reason, some people believe that a person cannot be SINGLE and HAPPY and not in a relationship. Well, **NEWS FLASH**, SMART single people prefer to be happy ALONE until they find someone SENSIBLE rather than be MISERABLE or CHEATING in a marital or non-marital relationship. I believe that it's the people that are ENVIOUS or DISSATISFIED with their own relationship that can't accept or comprehend a single person being happy by themselves.
I believe that as long as two people are HAPPY, RESPONSIBLE and RESPECTFUL OF EACH OTHER there is no NEED to get married. Getting married should be an OPTION if both mutually want to do so and neither is NOT PRESSURED to do so. The ONLY expcetion would be if they plan to have children and even that DOES NOT REQUIRE being married. Here is my response to a common question, "What if you want everyone to have the last name"? Simply, just change the last name to the name that you want because it is LEGAL and DON'T REQUIRE MARRIAGE to do so. People change their names all the time so what's YOUR excuse.
SINGLE PEOPLE can be in a healthy relationship just as SOME marriages are. They can be in that healthy relationship living together or living in separate residences. If single people can RESPECT married people's arrangements, why don't MANY married people RESPECT single people's arrangements and especially when it appears that married people are the ones having the most problems?
I don't have a problem with married people that are happy. I have a problem with married people that WHINE and COMPLAIN about their marriages and should not be married. As I have stated before, "Marriages are not hard. It's trying to get someone that you SHOULD NOT have married to behave in a manner YOU want them to that is hard". My suggestion is to divorce that person and find yourself a more COMPATIBLE person to marry.
There are many married people that feel as if single people CANNOT BE HAPPY unless they are married and should surrender their HAPPY and CONTENT lives to enter into marriage. Why is that? I believe that's because most of them go through periods of misery and you know what they say, "Misery loves company".
I had a buddy tell me one time, "Man, you need to get married so we can have something to TALK about". Huh, my thoughts were, "No, he needs me to get married so we can have something to COMPLAIN about" (lol). It's as if a single person can't be around a married person unless they are LISTENING to them complain about their marriage (that their ass should not have gotten in to begin with), LISTENING to them brag or complain about their children (blah, blah, blah...) or here them ASK about social places to go to WITHOUT their spouse.
Yep, you have some that's married (who shouldn't be) that want to behave like they are single but in that cloak-n-dagger manner. In the past, I've had a few married friends wanted me to cover for them while they were out doing their side-thing with someone they enjoyed a moment of TEMPORARILY happiness with. I say temporarily because after all eventually they would have to go back to that unhappily, married environment.
The truth of the matter is that MANY males that are married can ONLY be happy IF they have someone on the outside of their marriage because they DID NOT want the committment of marriage, they wanted the EXISTENCE of a female living in the same domain that marriage provides with the opportunity of getting an occasional CONJUCAL visit from her when SHE felt the need to do so. As long as they ARE GETTING what they wanted from outside of the marriage, they are accepting of what they AREN'T GETTING from inside of their marriage.
FACT: Many married men DO NOT DISCRIMMINATE, are WILLING TO PAY (gifts, dinners, vacations or DIRECT DEPOSIT of cash into the female's hands or her bank account) and are simply WAITING for the opportunity to be serviced outside of their marriage. What does that tell you about the state of that marriage? No, I am not going to name names because MANY of their wives are aware of their behavior and all is well UNLESS his behavior goes public which forces her to PRETEND she has no knowledge of such behavior and then she jumps on the INNOCENT VICTIM wagon looking for sympathy, support and REVENGE.
MARRIAGE, for the purposes of making yourself or someone else happy, is usually a TEMPORARY fix to yours or the other person's LONELY life. Very few people want to examine or discuss what happens IF the marriage is a failure.
Marriage DOES NOT:
- make you happy, YOU make you happy,
- guarantee a union "until death do you part" (look at the high divorce rate),
- give you the opportunity to just walk away from a bad relationship,
- benefit MOST males unless they are of lesser financial means than the female.
Marriage DOES:
- BENEFIT the one of lesser financial means,
- BENEFIT the ones that have THE LOOK, have NO MONEY, NO AMBITION or NO MOTIVATION and just want to be CARED FOR and can make her scream God and/or Jesus's name in bed (Make sure you choose a potential wife that is at least 7 years old than you are, has a good paying CAREER (not job) WITH BENEFITS and is disappointed or angry at males her age and older)
- FORCE a person that DID NOT want to marry to cheat in order to recapture that happiness lost from getting married,- provide a sense of happiness for everyone BUT the person who didn't really want to get married but did so anyway,
- give the person of lesser means an opportunity to PUNISH the other person FINANCIALLY if the other person decides to divorce and especially if the person of lesser means is a female,
- give the inconsiderate person the opportunity to DRAIN the other person of their physical, mental and financial well-being BEFORE they are able to break away.
Religious, social and cultural pressures to SURRENDER one's happiness, peace-of-mind and comforts for the BENEFIT of someone else who is UNHAPPY and too LAZY, SPOILED, IRRESPONSIBLE, IMMATURE and/or STUPID to produce that happiness themselves is quite common. Now who in their RIGHT MIND would want to be with someone like that? I guess a whole lot of people since I see so many people getting married to make someone else happy and later complaining to their family, friends and person they established a relationship with outside of their marriage.
Those pressures to marry GENERALLY come from parents, friends, clergy, other happy or unhappy married couples, etc.
My advice is to DON'T give in to anyone if you don't want to be married. Marry ONLY IF YOU are ready to do so. If they are not happy and content with self then all they can do is pass that BURDEN of making themselves happy onto YOUR shoulders.
Do you think trying to make someone else happy is really going to make you happy? Remember, marriage is EASY to get into but NOT EASY to get out of UNLESS you are POOR, have NO AMBITION and HAVE NOTHING to lose.
Least the brother in the picture ain't smokin' weed or drinking a 40! lol
ReplyDeleteI love this page too. Where were you when my brother needed something like this. His life has been ruined because he was constantly told he should be married cause he was doing well financially. She spent the and now he's paying for it. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteThat comes from growing up and girls being told how magical that day is when she finally gets married. How it is HER day and the whole thing is just like telling kids there is a Santa Claus. I mean if both want to get married that is fine but if he is happy and says he just wants to be with her then that is another. The way she is thinking shows that there is an underlying feeling that he will abandon her or the old thought process "why buy the whole cow when you can get the milk for free". Also keep in mind that her Mom is old school and is probably telling her these things.
ReplyDeleteIf she stops for a minute and thinks about it, 1) he can leave you with our without paperwork it just may be a bit more messy and painful. 2)If you think he is just using you for your milk, then aren't you using him for his spoon to stir your milk? 3) The big day that she dreams about is a fantasy.
If you want to get married, get married by holding hands and asking God to join you two together as husband and wife. As far as I can remember I don't think the bible has any paperwork being exchanged. If you can CLAIM IT out loud for happiness, then CLAIM IT out loud for your marriage, If you still feel the need for a social gathering, then invite your family over for dinner.
Just join hands and ask God? What island did you come from? That's not romantic at all. A woman wants an event that she will be able to show to her family, friends, children, grand-children and cherish for the rest of her life. The wedding is one of the most important days in a woman's life and you want to ruin it with just a simple hands holding session. If I didn't know any better I would think that you were a man.
ReplyDeleteYou can make it as romantic as you as an individual want it to be. For me it would be under the stars. I am by no means a man. I just think most people are locked into what society says is the norm. Your ruled by rules so you can't think of any other options that don't bleed your bank account dry. Special day can be whatever you want it to be. If you want to go through all that mess and stress for one day, do your thing. As far as kids and so forth, do you know how to speak? You can always share stories (like most folks do) and tell of the day you committed yourselves to God as one, how special it was and how spiritual it was to you both. When it is all said and done all the money you spent on all of those items be a memory to. It's nothing wrong in your way of thinking I am just saying Miss Hopeless. Doing it only ONE way is not the only way. And it is not just a hand holding session. I don't think you get it.
ReplyDeleteAnd no I am not from an Island but what is wrong with they way they do things? Geesh can't people be different?
You seem to be a hurt man with serious issues in your life regarding marriage. What happened to you? Did your father abuse you and your mother? Do you abuse women just as your father did? You obviously don't believe in God because if you did then you would know that marriage was created by God and if you aren't married and living with someone you are a sinner. You will face the wrath of God for your sins and condemning something that God has created for our salvation. I will pray for you and all you single people living in sin.
ReplyDeleteMrs. Grace. It amuses me when someone makes assumptions about me or my blogs with NOTHING BUT EMOTION to support it. Now, please point out SPECIFICALLY where there are indications that 1) my father abused me and my mother, 2) I abuse women and 3) I won't even discuss the God comment so I will work with 2 out of 3. I have NO PROBLEM agreeing with you on the first two items IF you can provide some supportive data to back it up. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
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