Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Do Females "Cheat" Too?

(Excerpt from "Rules of Engagement")

Concern #18: Females talk about how males cheat so much. Do females cheat as well?

I hear females talk about their men cheating all the time and how some of them will catch their man in the act of cheating. Why don’t I hear more about females cheating as well?


That is a very good question that most will avoid. The problem with the idea of cheating is that, in most cases, there are never any conditions stated prior to commitment of what cheating is.

The primary reasons for not stating such are:

1) Fear of being rejected by that other person for bringing that discussion up,

2) That the person is aware of the other person’s behavior and is in denial hoping that he or she will change later on in the relationship which most of the time they never do or

3) That person, which is typically the female, will accept the male having other females in order to live a certain lifestyle that she is too lazy to provide for herself or incapable of doing so she accepts him “as is”.

Nowadays female are cheating just as much, if not more than males, and in categories that females don’t consider to be cheating because the weak and insecure male is programmed to just be so happy to have her that he will over-look the obvious.

Sexual relations with someone other than the person you are in a committed relationship with are universally considered to be cheating without either partner stating it in advance. So even if you don’t say that is cheating, it’s universally accepted to be such. Prior to entering into a committed, monogamous (which needs to be stated) relationship there are certain things that the male should state to the female as cheating which many females do on a regular basis that are in marital or non-marital monogamous relationships.

The reason many females will not consider what I am about to state as cheating is because it selfishly benefits them:

- Not informing males that have a personal interest in her that she is in a committed relationship,
- Allowing males to continue to give her attention knowing his interest are personal (females are not stupid, they know when a male has a personal interest in her),
- Allowing males to go to lunch with her and pay for her lunch,
- Allowing males to do things for her without her paying them for their time,
- Allowing males to continuously flirt with her in the workplace,
- Going to social places with her girlfriends and allowing males to buy her drinks, continuously flirt with her or dance and touch her,
- Violating their privacy by discussing their personal affairs or problems with others before attempting to discuss it with him,
- Spending of her money in a manner that will cause a disruption, a financial burden or stress in their relationship

Those are only a few of the known behaviors females allow and consider to be “not cheating”. What he don’t or refuse to realize is that at some point in time those lies the other males are promising her will eventually cause her to expect you to provide that kind of “attention” and “do those things” for her that the male that is trying to get between her thighs are promising to do for her.

Here is my suggestion to you. First of all, no one can control or stop anyone else from doing what they want to do and that includes you as well. You have no control over any female so accept that as a reality of life. You only control what she “allows” you to control. What you do have control over is what you will accept in your relationship. If you believe that the above is also forms of cheating then you should state that, before you enter into a monogamous relationship, stick to it and let her know that you will not remain in that relationship if she behaves in any of the manners above.


  1. This is so true. My marriage, 2 years ago, was fine or at least I thought that it was. My wife got a new job during that time and she worked in a corporate environment. We had been married for 3 years prior to her getting that job. I am what you call a blue collar worker so dressing in suits is not a requirement for me and some days I would work 10 to 12 hours to get the job done. I noticed the change in my wife's attitude about 2 or 3 months after she got that job. She would make little comments about how I was dressing and suggest that we needed to improve our lifestyle by doing different things and going out more to different places. The comments eventually turned into complaints about 3 months into her new job. There would be times when she would come home, say very little, get her something to eat and go to bed. I ultimately found out, from a mutual friend of ours, that she had begun going to lunch with this particular guy on a regular basis that she worked with. When I questioned her about it she said there was nothing going on and it was just lunches they were having. I never bothered to ask, according to this blog, if she was paying for her lunch or if he was paying. To make a long story short, she eventually had sex with him one day after work. I know because she told her girlfriend and her girlfriend felt so guilty that she told me. When I questioned her about it, instead of remaining calm she went into a rage and questioned how dare I asked her something like that. That in itself gave me my answer. Well, I divorced her and thank God we did not have any children. Where she is today? I don't know and don't care. I am a happier person without her and doing well for myself. I am glad that a friend of mine sent this blog to me. I will surely pass this on to my other friends to read and I will read your other blogs as well. Keep up the good work because many of us just aren't well enough informed.

  2. I am married and I also have a lover. My husband does not satisfy me sexually any longer but I still love him. We have been married for 10 years. I am now 35 and he is 53. He has always done well financially and I have always had a problem managing money but I am not ashamed of it. His income is in the mid six figures and we live a very comfortable lifestyle. I had a job but decided to stop working after we were married which he did not object to. We do not have children although he wants a son. I don't feel comfortable with the thought and he knows it and continues to try and convince me otherwise. I don't consider myself to be a cheater because I am more than sure he knows I have a lover eventhough I have not told him. Don't hate me for my honesty.

  3. Yes, women cheat too. I feel that the tables have turned because men always felt that it was okay and the thing to do. Well, women are not taking that shit anymore and therefore are doing the same too. Now, trust, honesty and loyalty is no longer a part of a relationship on either side.
    Maybe it never was.I did cheat on my husband, after 13 years of marriage. He had cheated on me and there was no longer any trust. I tried to make it work, but I felt like I was always looking for my shoulder for it to happen again, that's when I knew that marriage was over and therefore I cheated. I separted from my husband, now living on my own.(lonely). I feel a lot a people stay in a unhappy marriage because they don't want to be alone and they don't want to leave the finanical security.
    (How come you don't have spell check?)

  4. Jay Dub says..
    WTF is wrong with you people? You make these bad marriage decisions to "fit in" with what society has programmed you to believe you must do to avoid being an outcast and/or to obtain a better lifestlye that you have convinced yourself that you can't achieve on your own.

    Then you find yourselves unhappy beccause the fantasy marriage doesn't pan out as dreamed. C'mon! Do you really think selecting a partner 20 years your senior is going to be able to sexually satisfy you over the long haul? Hell, the odds are already against a couple the same age being able to mentally, physically satisfy each other after 3-5 years of marriage.

    Please Listen up everyone! Cheating is not what ends marriages. Sex, Love and Marriage are all mutually exclusve experiences. Sex is not what keeps a marraige together, Love is not what keeps a marriage together.

    Needing to be married is what keeps a marriage together.

  5. Jay Dub continues...

    I digressed from the point Do women cheat. Of course they do however cheating is only cheating when you get caught. And then it is only an issue if the "cheater" is not in the power position in the marriage. I commend the women or men who are not in the relationship power position and actually leave the marriage when they find out their husbands/wives are cheaters. Unfortunately, most serial cheaters have husbands or wives that look the other way because they don't want to "not be married" and give excuses like staying together for the kids, or not being to survive at the level they can with that other breadwinner or they are too old or don't have the looks they did before the marriage and won't be able to attract a suitable replacement. Bottom line, these poor men and women have to be married and actually promote the cheating.

  6. Let me define cheating for this particular blog. Cheating is when one or both mates violate an agreement of conduct in a relationship. SPECIFICALLY, spending time, money or both with someone outside of their relationship that they have the INTENT of engaging in an intimate affair with that WAS NOT agreed upon by both mates in advance. MOST COUPLES NEVER sit down and agree what is acceptable and what IS NOT acceptable in their relationships or THEY AVOID discussing this particular type of activity. They simply ASSume what the other party is not supposed to be doing for reasons I will not begin to guess.

    The male or female can really ONLY cheat, in this manner, ONCE and there is no such thing as a serial cheater for the SAME act. Once they cheat the first time for that particular act, their behavior is now known. If the male or female REMAINS with that person AND that person does that particular act AGAIN, it's not considered cheating. It's now considered part of his/her KNOWN behavior that the other person has accepted for whatever their reasons are. From that point on, I have no sympathy since he/she can CHOOSE to leave or accept what it.

    I am sure that MANY of you won't agree with me, then again I believe that MANY of you are in that same situation of DENIAL as well. I would suggest that you minimize the worry and stress by simply ACCEPT his/her behavior for what it is or simply LEAVE. If you say it's too difficult to leave then SHUT UP and don't whine or bother anyone else with your personal relationship issues.

  7. Well defined and I agree.

    My JayDub twist is that cheating is really not cheating, it is actually the human body's natural desire to satisfy its primal sexual urges when the right opportunity presents itself. Humans were not designed to only be erotically aroused by their "soul mate".

    If this chance evolves while the person is married, the desire is not any less powerful an urge than it is for a single person, the challenge is how strongly you are willing to discpline yourself to suppress it. Some try and succeed and others give in. You don't necessarily have to be in a flawed marriage to succomb the pleasures of the flesh. I know there are plenty of males and females out there that can sleep with other partners and still maintain their marriages without missing a beat, because they did not get hooked up to only make love to one person the rest of thier lives, they got into the lifetime union for the other benefits listed in the marriage manual.

    So, in my humble opinion, cheating would mean that you are playing dirty to win the game. However, if the puropose of the game (marriage) is really to support each other until death do you part and both parties are contributing to a good quality of life household and no one is being abused, is the spouse having sex outside the home really cheating the spouse in the home out of anything? Remember there is a huge difference between what you were told marriage would be like and the reality of maintaining a 30 year marriage on a day to day basis. Your life can become pretty mundane and your genitals can begin to rust from limited useage.

  8. I do agree with your definition of "cheating". If you and your partner agree there will be no cheating, you have created an agreement. If one breaks that agreement then the other should leave because you know longer have the original agreement. If that person stays, then you have created a new agreement, it is OK for that person to cheat and based on your behavior by you choosing to stay the new agreement is acceptable for your to cheat.
    So what is the big deal?

  9. Wow!! I wish I could argue with this blog but it is so true for a lot of women. I got to this blog through Tim Alexandar's FB posting. I totally agree with this blog. Women not only cheat but allow the cheating to continue as long as they feel they have control over the situation. Once it blows up in their faces and it gets exposed, many of them want to act as innocent victims or blame their mate for their cheating behavior. I will share this blog with some of my other friends.