Friday, August 14, 2009
MALE/FEMALE RELATIONSHIP QUESTION: Can We All Just Get Along?
Will We ALL Just Get Along?
Will MOST Of Us Just Get Along?
One of the primary reasons why we WON'T get along in that male/female relationship dynamic is because the very foundation (what occurs upon the first few contacts and is sustained throughout the remainder of the relationship) is dysfunctional and based upon LIES, FANTASY, DECEIT, MATERIALISM, IMMATURITY , IRRESPONSIBILITY and DENIAL.
LIES - Tell that person what they want to hear as opposed to telling them the truth.
FANTASY - Living in that mental or physical state of heightened excitement and pleasure that realistically cannot be consistently maintained if one is to obtain and sustain a mutually satisfying, peaceful, minimally stressful and productive relationship.
DECEIT - Silence regarding their ultimate objective (i.e., hidden agenda) with the other person and functioning in a TEMPORARY manner in order to obtain that unstated objective.
MATERIALISM - Non-genuine interest in the individual but rather what it is that they have that can benefit them and upgrade their lifestyle.
IMMATURITY - Behaving child-like and refusing to function in a mature manner.
IRRESPONSIBILITY - Refusal to be accountable for one's own actions and showing lack of care for consequences.
DENIAL - Knowingly refusing to accept truth thus preventing ANY opportunity for change.
Most pre-relationship development NEVER includes the following due to fear of rejection or knowing ahead of time the person won't behave in that manner:
1. There is usually NO CLEAR DISCUSSION and MUTUAL AGREEMENT as to what behavior WILL BE expected. Of course stating every behavior may not be possible at the time but the basic ones surely can be discussed. Most Common Reason: Fear of rejection.
2. There is usually NO CLEAR DISCUSSION and MUTUAL AGREEMENT as to what behavior WILL ABSOLUTELY NOT be tolerated AND if it happens the relationship will be immediately terminated. Most Common Reason: There are some things in a relationship that can happen that will cause disruption simply because no two people think EXACTLY alike but there are certain behaviors that we all know that we WILL NOT tolerate in a relationship or we at least BOAST to our friends and family we won't tolerate whether we tolerate them in the privacy of that relationship or not. This is where FANTASY, HOPE and DENIAL come into being. We have FANTASIES (which are typically temporary in nature) about how we want our "permanent" relationship to be. We HOPE that the fantasy comes true and is sustained throughout the relationship. We go into DENIAL once the fantasy relationship cease to exist.
3. If there is a discussion (which 98 percent of the time there isn't), there is usually NO TERMINATION of that relationship even if the agreement is violated. Most Common Reason: Fear of the unknown and desperation to have a relationship regardless of the condition of the relationship. Now you have frustration and stress in the relationship that usually leads to occasional domestic abuse and/or cheating. The frustration usually comes from the female since she is not receiving what she wants based upon that fantasy and stress is usually what the male receives based on her attitude developed due to his initial participation in that fantasy (that no longer exists) to gain her acceptance.
Will this dysfunctional "Can't Get Along" situation change?
Only for a very, very, very small percentage of people. The majority will continue to function in that dysfunctional manner.
Why do you think in such a negative manner?
It's not that I think in such a negative manner. It's simply that most have been socialized to accept what is regardless of the negative impact and simply remain SILENT. All I am doing is simply speaking about the REALITIES that I experience, observe and hear others talk about in private as opposed to publically.
Why don't you focus on and speak more about the positive things and people as opposed to the negative.
There are more that enough people producing and talking about those "pie-in-the-sky", feel good desires, hopes and dreams and as you can see, things (overall) are getting worse not better. It's the NEGATIVE things that produces dysfunction, pain and suffering not the positive things. We don't have to be aware of or change the positive things or people in our lives to be content. That will take care of itself. It's the NEGATIVE things that create problems so that is what I focus on so they can be IDENTIFIED, CHANGED or AVOIDED by others.
What can one do to help others improve THEIR situation?
1. Start with SELF and be that FUNCTIONING EXAMPLE. Can you HONESTLY say that YOU don't represent at least one or more of the dysfunctional behaviors stated above? By the way, the lies that are told does not mean that they are told only to others. Why not begin to change by STOP LYING TO SELF.
2. Stop AVOIDING the dysfunctional, negative behavior and acting as if it will just go away (i.e., denial). You have to speak about it and confront it or it will ALWAYS exist.
3. DYSFUNCTIONAL PEOPLE ARE COMFORTABLE with dysfunctional relationships and they won't change. This can't be expressed enough, YOU CAN'T CHANGE THOSE TYPES OF PEOPLE so accept them for who they are and maintain your distance if you don't approve of it.
I won't judge dysfunctional behavior to be right or wrong. That is a personal decision that each individual has to make depending on their situation. I simply see things for what they are and speak about them.
Please provide your comment in this blog and feel free to read the others and comment as well.