Friday, March 18, 2011

MOST Women Will ALWAYS Be A MOTHER First... Don't Hold That Against Them

DON'T SHOOT the messenger.... Take time to CLEARLY understand the message.

From time to time I troll (not stalk, lol) those social sites and when I come up with what I believe to be an interesting profile I will share with those in my email distribution list or on my blog site. I read the profile and looked at her photos posted. This particular email has a couple of messages which I will now share.

Here is the message that was communicated between the two of us:


Message History

J Duval:

hello Ms. HerNameRemoved , i read your profile and you state in the "About Me" section that you are "single by choice" but next to "Relationship Status" you indicate "In a Relationship". Which one is it? Have a good day!

! ! ! !MS. HerNameRemoved! ! ! !

get the definition of relationship. I'm in a relationship with my kids...that's who I am connected with and who gets all of my time right now.


Profile Information

Name: ! ! ! !MS. HerNameRemoved! ! ! !
Gender: Female
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Age: 46
Relationship Status: In a Relationship
Interested In: Friends, Networking
Ethnicity: Black/African, Caucasian/White, Hispanic/Latino
Religion: Christian
Orientation: Straight


APPLAUSE (for her)

I have to give her applauses and credit that she has decided to DEDICATE her time to HER children (6 boys and 1 step daughter which appears in the photo. They all seem to be no more than 12 years apart with the youngest about 4 and the oldest about 15 years old.). More single or divorced mothers should adopt this policy. Many females, especially at that age, are too busy running around trying to behave like they are younger, single and have no responsibilities. She is HONEST in which she states all of her time is dedicated to her children AND she posts photo of them on her page. I have a lot of respect for her IF she truly is committing all of her FREE time to raising her children and not just saying that until she meets what she believes to be THE ONE.

WARNING (to males)

Based upon the youngest being approx. 4 years old and she being 46 years old, she has around 14 years of committment left and then at 60 she will be AVAILABLE for a relationship. MANY of them will transition that motherly behavior to their GRAND-CHILDREN when there is no man in their life instead of placing that responsibility with her children. Unfortunately, for her, she will repeat that CYCLE and forfeit the opportunity to enjoy HERSELF (with or without a mate) as a woman without the responsibility of raising MORE children. Is this what YOU want to be a part of? Is this how you want to spend YOUR mid-life and senior years? If so, this is the type of woman for YOU. If not, DON'T start something that YOU may regret later.

There is NO need of you spending one second with someone in a position like this IF YOU aren't willing to function by HER (not your) availability. Why? Because she has already stated that ALL OF HER TIME is committed to HER children. Once you find a woman in a situation like this, simply WALK AWAY, DON'T LOOK BACK and DON'T CONTACT HER again. Leave her to HER responsibilities so that they DON'T eventually become YOURS. There may be very little free time and, in most cases, IF you decide to proceed, the majority of YOUR time spent may be with ALL OF THEM and VERY LITTLE PRIVATE TIME for you and her. In addition, your time spend with her will be dependent upon THE CHILDREN and not you. Expect constant interruptions IF the children are NOT at an age where they don't require parental supervision (age will vary) or they are NOT at a point where they DON'T see you as someone COMPETING for their mother's time with them.



This is NOT a NEGATIVE CRITICISM of her environment. This is a REALITY of her environment and what you may have to live with IF you are planning on trying to spend time with her. Some males FOOLishly believe that a woman in this situation will not have time to be out there fooling around with other males so it's a good situation for HIM so he proceeds to attempt to get into a relationship with her. He doesn't (or won't) realize that not only does she not have time to be available for other men, she won't have the time he desires to be available for and cater to him as well.

Males have to ACCEPT the FACT that most mother's minds almost NEVER STOP thinking about where or what their child is doing when they are not in her IMMEDIATE presence. So take that and multiply it by the number of children she has and you will see that there is NOT a lot of free time inside of her head to place on thinking about catering to YOU. If you aren't up for an occasional quickie together, which does not mean SEX all the time if that's what you were thinking, I suggest that you stay away. She may just want you to sit and listen to her talk or vent, sit and just hold her or go out for some dining and entertainment and then BACK TO THE CHILDREN and see you later.

Whether you choose to accept her situation and the LIMITED TIME for YOU is one thing but remember that SHE IS A MOTHER and IF she is behaving in the manner described above don't be so SELFISH and hold that against her.

There is a tendency for MARRIED WOMEN to engulf themselves into their grand-children's lives because they are (for whatever reason) BORED , DISSATISFIED WITH, NO LONGER ATTRACTED TO their marriage and their husband so the grand-child(ren) is used as a REPLACEMENT. That REPLACEMENT with the grand-children as opposed to reuniting with THEIR husband will create a void between husband and wife. I won't co-sign using the grand-children as a REPLACEMENT for one's marriage but then I'M NOT MARRIED (I'm single and happy) so I guess I'M NOT QUALIFIED to speak for married couples. It's just MY OPINION but don't blame YOUR husband if he decides to NOT wait until YOU are done raising the grand-children.

As I have stated earlier the best thing that you can do for YOU is RECOGNIZE and ACCEPT THE REALITY of a situation like this, DON'T START SOMETHING with unrealistic expectations of her behaving like a woman without children, WALK AWAY and LET HER DO WHAT SHE'S GOTTA DO AS A MOTHER.



GIVE LOVE A CHANCE (SOMEWHERE ELSE) and stay away from situations like this IF you don't want to deal with the entire package. This is a CHOICE that these types of mothers have made, RESPECT IT and leave them to THEIR RESPONSIBILITY of raising THEIR (not your) children.

THERE ARE WOMEN out there with NO CHILDREN or who's fulfilled THEIR responsibility with THEIR children and the children are GROWN and ON THEIR OWN so if that is what you are seeking why would you want to get into a situation like the above and later on COMPLAIN about she not having enough time for YOU?


  1. I only read a few lines and I have to tell you - Just yesterday I had this same conversation with one of my besties! I was telling her now that my babies are on their "own" - NOW, I'm preparing to make room in my life for a mate. Prior to this somewhat empty nest transition I couldn't do it. As for grands? Hmmph my daughters already know I'm not the one! My devotion was to babygrands when/if they come get to go home! Yes this woman was honest but I suspect she also might be a black widow spider too. I think that was me - When I looked at my mate I saw my future babies and that really was all that mattered when it was said and done. If not I probably would have fought for the marriage relationship - but I didn't. My energy, love and devotion went into raising the best daughters my ability would allow. The sacrifices (not really but selfless decisions) I made for them I would do again. Now I'm preparing to put that type of love, devotion and nuturing energy into a relationship with my life partner.

  2. Hey Nicky, thanks for your comment. You've said all that need to be said. Now go and enjoy your life!

  3. A lot of women will say they're committed to their children as a reason why they're single, until they meet someone that makes them wet and then they'll gladly put their kids to the "side" so that "mama can live her life too".

    But with all that said, if she really is genuine then I commend her. Most won't admit that.

  4. A woman who puts HABITUALLY puts her childern in front of her man...doesn't deserve to have a man. And, if the children mimic this behavior when they grow up, the mother is setting them up for a failed relationship also.

    Children ARE precious. But, to have a SUCCESSFUL relationship, your partner should come first most of the time.

  5. I have to agree with THE Professor and Brad because I've witnessed this happening. Thanks guys for your input.