Thursday, May 26, 2011

If You Pay, Have It Your Way

(Excerpt from "The Good Man's Survival Guide - How to Identify and Avoid a No Good Skeezer)

Chapter 9 - If You Pay, Have It Your Way

I am sure that many of us are guilty of doing what I am about to say. You see a female you are attracted to and she finds you physically appealing, she will ALLOW you into her space and the opportunity to sell yourself.

IF she has been raised in the home or conditioned by other outside of the home to HO HER TIME, then you will have to spend money (which means also pay her way) if you want to spend time getting to know her.

Eventually, according to social protocol, you will ask her out on a date.  Typically it will be a dining because that is the common place males will invite a female. Most females will not say no to a FREE meal if they feel comfortable with you. That level of comfort can range from them being physically attracted to you OR knowing that they will have complete control of you and the situation even though they are not physically attracted to you.

I have been guilty of the following, in my distant past, and I am sure that other males have been as well. You ask her out, she says yes and then you ask her where would she like to go? STOP RIGHT THERE!!!

NEVER, EVER ASK a female where she would like to go IF YOU ARE GOING TO PAY for the date. This is how females get the chance to eat at expensive places knowing that you will pay for it.   IF YOU are going to PAY for the time to be with her then YOU should have exclusive rights to HER and that time. That simply means you will get her to agree that the time between the two of you belongs to the two of you and no one else BEFORE you go on a date.  Keep those first few dates short.  This will make it much easier for:

- NO sending or checking text messages
NO talking on a cell phone UNLESS it's an emergency

If she can't agree to those REASONABLE conditions, you should not pay for the date although you can still go on the date.  Now, I would recommend that you DO NOT PICK HER UP but rather meet her at the location.  Reason is because IF she DISRESPECTS your wishes or the agreement between the two of you, simply get up and leave.  She has her own transportation.  She has shown you she has NO RESPECT for your wishes.  Therefore, it should not matter to you (or probably her) if you leave.

***SPECIAL NOTE*** - If you go to a restaurant where they present a menu to you and you pay after you have eaten, DO NOT ORDER for her.  Let her order for herself so if she turns out to be an ungrateful and inconsiderate bitch, simply PAY FOR YOUR ORDER and leave that bitch at the table.  NEVER PAY for someone that DISRESPECT you.  ***SPECIAL NOTE***

If she sees you as a SUCKERMAN that is desperate for a date with her, she is going to try and get you to take her on as an expensive date as she can. She will even have you thinking that this will impress her. Well, I have to agree that you will impress her but for a totally different reason than you what you are thinking.

You will be impressing (showing) her how WEAK and EASY you are for her to get you to do what she wants. They get offended or have very little patience for the man they are not attracted if he does not do what she wants. If this happens then she’s not into you.

You need to PLAN AHEAD and have a place or places in mind before you ask her out on a dining date. If she asks where you are going to be taking her go ahead and tell her. When you tell her where you are going to take her don’t ask her, “Is that place ok with you”? As long as the place is clean, safe and she likes you it will not matter to her.  If she is  going to take a FREE RIDE off of your wallet then:

- YOU CONTROL where the two of you are going
- YOU CONTROL how much money you are spending
- YOU CONTROL how much time the two of you will spend on that date

Do not feel special because she ALLOWED YOU to spend YOUR money on her. If you have to spend your money on her to spend time with her she does not value you as a person anyway. Whether it is dining or some other social event, make sure that you decide whether you want her undivided attention if you are going to pay.


  1. Mr. Duval, I completely concur with this blog. Far too often I've invited women out on a date and made the mistake of asking them where did they want to go. After reading your blog, that will never happen again. Thanks for your wisdom and insight.

  2. Mr. Duval, my buddy Mike told me to visit this blog and man are you right. I just had a date this past weekend that I was telling Mike about and I made the mistake of letting her decide where to go. We went to a place called Crustacean and man did it go deeper in my pocket than I expected. I knew about the place but did not want to disappoint her, appear to be cheap and wanted to impress her. I am too embarrassed to say what it cost me and the poor vibes I received from her during the date. She called me within a few days after the date and told me she felt as if we were not a good match. What a price to pay to simply hear that. I could have heard that at a Starbucks. I am taking your position on this blog and I can truthfully say I will never allow a woman to decide where we are to go on a date if I am going to pay. I will definitely pass this on to other friends of mine and read some of your other blogs. Keep up the good work.

  3. I am going to definitely show this to my brother. I've been telling him he is acting like a fool taking those women out to place they want to go as opposed to where he can afford. Hopefully he will get it when he reads this. Thanks for the posting.

  4. Mr. Duval, I am a single, professional woman. I listened to your blogtalk link that a friend of mine sent to me and when the show began I really wasn't interested in what you had to say. After listening to more of it I realized how much sense you made. I had never heard it spoken in that manner because all I had ever heard was rhetoric and accusations without explanation or clarification. You did an excellent job. I am really curious about these rules in your book and hopefully you will come back on the radio and give more information until your book is ready for sale. As a non skeezer (as you put it), I can appreciate everything that you said. I hope that the good men out there will atleast take time to listen to you as I have done. Keep up the good work.

  5. Cheers mate. Sunday evening, 10 pm in Europe, I listened to the blogtalk radio show. The host annoyed me with her bias, her total lack of openeness and especially with her voice... I like what you said.

  6. If a man is ever cheap with me that will be his last date with me. I am accustomed to being treated a certain way and I am not going to settle for less. That's all I have to say.

    1. You are a bitch and a whore. It's that simple

  7. J. Duval you are an asshole. Men are always suppose to pay and treat the woman like she is very special. It should not matter the cost and if he really likes her he won't be thinking like the cheap asshole that you are. I would never date someone like you. I only date real men.

  8. Damn J. you really pissed off Angie. I hope she isn't one of those psycho's and if so I hope she does not know where you live (LOL). Keep up the good work. I love this blog. For many, the truth is something too hard to accept so they attack anyone that presents it.

  9. This is some good shit. Where were you last year when I needed information like this. I fucked up and paid for all the dates and helped her out with some of her bills. That relationship lasted just long enough to get her back on her feet and then she became too busy to see me on a regular basis as before I got her ass out of financial trouble.

    I was told about your blogs and facebook page last week and I have not stopped reading them since I started reading this weekend. Keep up the good work J. Duval. You are truly a "God Send"

  10. I second the motion Jai. I even recommend having at least two places in mind. Things happen like in my case recently on our date she asked me last minute to pick her up so I agreed. I originally wanted her to meet me at a location that I text her the info on earlier that day. But I choose an alternate place near her pickup spot ( her family member ) and informed her upon my arrival. Both restaurants were very much in my price range and types of food I eat ( healthier choices ) and I agreed to pay. It's not that I am cheap, I love and can afford more expensive restaurants, but will do that for me and only a friend that I KNOW as a treat if I want to treat myself first. If I wouldn't do it for myself at the time why go out of my way for someone I don't even know? Lol, on the after dinner nightcap she asked me to buy her expensive drink ..I bought her the medium priced drink since I was buying. ..she did not display an attitude and if she did and/or does later then I know not to have her around me. BTW, I prefer going dutch and highly recommended doing so but I paid this time since she paid the first time :)